Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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