i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Houston, we have a squirter
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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