i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
