Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
