the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
