i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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