I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
