turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
