oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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