It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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