i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
