You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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