There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
