Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
