So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
