well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
