HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
