i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
