lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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