This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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