I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
