Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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