I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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