Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
