I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
