So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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