I'd wear matching sweaters with you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
