So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
