I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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