my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
