kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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