I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
