yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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