sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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