I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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