remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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