Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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