SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
