Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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