dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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