Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
