no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
