The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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