Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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