Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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