So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
