That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
