we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
