ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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