Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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