I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
