there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
