I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
